Auntie PanPan’s HorrorscopesAries
Egad you are getting soooo buggy lately.Yes you are being a little bit manipulative….actually kind of a LOT manipulative… Luckily you are wearing your goggles to make sure the BS doesn’t blow back right in your face.

Taurus
You are being paranoid waiting for the poop storm…Aries has a pair of goggles they can sell you REAL cheap! Things will be back on an even keel starting next week. Meanwhile find some comfort making cookies or brownies at home.

Gemini
Babe.Babe.Realize your mistakes and move on.I mean REALLY move on……like out of the country.

Moon children
This time is crazy for you. You don’t know what you want and keep wanting to figure out everyone else.

Leo
You would rather eat your young than ask anyone for help. You would chop off all your hair than request assistance. Pride will always be your downfall…that and always thinking that you are right…I really would pay to watch you chew your hair tho. Sometimes you gotta sacrifice your ego to get stuff done, Bucky.

Virgo
I don’t even want to talk about you “Accidentally” forgetting birthdays or anniversaries or special occasions…if anyone forgot YOUR birthday? You would lose your complete biscuit!!!

Libra
You need to just stop freaking out. Your paranoia or jumping to conclusions is just not helping your mental state of mind. ONE THING AT A TIME.

Scorpio
Get out the cheese whiz and hide those ferrets ! It’s going to be a party in the hot town with you tonight!!! Load up that kiddie pool with green gelatin and revel in the house that smut built…YOURS.

Sagittarius
You need to be there when they really need you. Honest. You need to just leave a giant Teddy Bear in your car or as a bean bag at home so that you can flop upon it when you are just DONE with all the things.

Capricorn
Whoa. Wow. I am impressed that you are getting rid of all the bad poop out of your life…now if we could just get rid of all the in laws? You would be sitting golden. Glad to see you got rid of just all the dumb for a while.

Aquarius
How hard is it really to keep in touch with people. Texting is not new technology, hunny. You have to stay in the loop with some people so they at least know where you are when they are being interviewed by America’s Most Wanted.

Pisces
Smile, Nod, and carry a fully loaded snow cone machine…Then the whole world is YOURS!