AuntiePanPan’s Horoscopes

July 2023

Welcome to Moonchild Season!

If you feel like you want to be a social hermit and stay at home? If you feel like you want to stay in a pillow fort on the couch and watch Law & Order reruns while eating Mac & Cheese? If you are feeling moody and don’t want to deal with anyone elses crap?

Welcome to how Cancerians feel all the time. Cancerians are also known to have large bodacious booty as well as a penchant for pizza and anything involving cheese.

Enjoy this time because it is going to be hitting the ground running non stop in Leo season in a few weeks. . . so rest well now!

Aries

okay. Rule one: You do not know everything. Rule two: Let the professionals do their job. Rule three: be quiet when someone who knows what they are talking about actually TALK. I know you feel like you have to prove the thing…but…we know. You can be pretty awesome. You don’t have to always try to prove it.

Taurus

Its time to do the thing that you have to do…and hate to do. PURGE. Its time to let things go. It can be physcially, emotionally, mentally, spiritually…who knows? You do. If you need someone to do the thing? TELL THEM. No one can read your mind…so you HAVE to actually ASK. COMMUNICATION. do it.

Gemini

My my my…hasn’t THIS be a crazy few weeks for you?!? Who knew??? You are actually sitting pretty where you are right now. Take this time to regroup and restrategize to where your next adventure will be. Save up and conquer.

Cancerian (Moonchildren)

This is your time. This is your season. Happy Birthday! I know emotions with everyone are running super extra hard right now and you are having this overwhelming urge to get up and feed everyone. But you don’t have to. You just need to take care of you. Enjoy the quiet moments and enjoy some peace and quiet right now.

Leo

Every time I see the week before Leo season I hear the song “Move Bi*ch get out the way!” by Ludacris. You have plans comin up and if people would just realize you know exactly what you are doing and leave you the heck alone the world would be all the better for it.  

It might be time for other signs to just leave you the hell alone so you can go do what you want.

You aren’t trying to be mean and hurt other peoples feelings, you just are too honest for your own good. Maybe silence is golden. Or maybe you haven’t had a good old fashioned ROAR in a hot minute and its overdue.

Virgo

Woof. Are you finished studying everyone’s personality behavior?

Your family and friends are not clients or patients to analyze. You should stay home and be at home chilling for a while. Maybe a Leo or Aquarius need to pull you out of your house and take you to the movies…you are acting like Miss Featherington from Bridgerton — constant observation and study of everyone you know. . . Problem is, you might be being observed as well.

Libra

ohhhh speaking of Bridgerton you have to admit that Queen Charlotte IS your Spirit Animal. All those wigs. Secretly you wish to live like Lady Danbury though.

At this moment, all you have to do is to sit pretty, smile and practice your curtsey (Que Scar from the Lion King here) just sit back and watch the poop circus from afar and get your popcorn.

Scorpio

The Scorpion is a mixed bag right now. There is a definite division between personality traits of the Scorpion : One Scorpio is full of motivation and vibrance and go to it energy! Being that mover and shaker and getting things done… Then there is the defeated pessimist Scorpio and in just riding the wave hoping for a life line. You need to decide which one you are, my friend. Either way? Whatever it is that you do or say or tend to right now? Will lead to results later in the future.

Sagittarius

I always tell you to just let things go and get out of your nostalgic cloud and move on. NOT THIS MONTH.

You can sit here for a bit and chill for a few weeks. July is a time to be with friends and family. Go learn a new Jello recipe. Do a barbecue thing. Go to that family reunion or high school reunion that you have been dreading. You’ll thank me later.

Capricorn

You work too much. You already knew that. You are overdoing it. You already knew that too.

So why aren’t you listening???

Because you feel if you don’t get it done you never will? Not true!

Rule ONE: There will ALWAYS be another show, club, circus, gallery event, premier. . . you don’t have to gotta go do everyone or everything. Then again getting you to move sometimes is like going at a glacial pace. Why the change? is it the company you are keeping? is it the weather? who knows?!?! But you at least need to stay hydrated and take the occasional nap.

Aquarius

You are having all the things happening at once you feel that you are losing sight of who you are or what you are doing. This is the MOST focused that you have been in ages…So cling to that. Family is crazy. Yes. Friends come and go like the tide. True. You still have you.

You are still here and you are surviving. You got this.

Pisces

You have a plan?!? Oh my gods alert the media!!!!! You have dare i say it? An Agenda?!?!!? Who knew?!?!?!? But honestly, it’s taken you a LONG time to figure out what it is that you want and who you are and where you are going. Now if everyone else would shut the hell up? You’d be sitting pretty.