ARIES – Do you remember the last time you were happy about anything? Do you remember when you didn’t just “Settle”? You may have everyone else fooled that you are a jovial soul? But not me. Joviality is usually a sign that the jester is depressed…and baby…you are in a dark place. You need to get up and take a walk…walk the dog…walk the pet ferret…cat…goldfish…I don’t care…BUT DO IT. You know the saying “If you don’t use it, you lose it?” Here’s your sign. Do the things! NOW.

TAURUS- I don’t know if you know this but the Taurus mutant power is to find the best shoes and the best place to find the perfect burrito at two a.m. – Call it a gift. You know where all the good foods live. I think it may be time to get your smeller (Nose) checked because there are scents you are not catching…and since the bull has super smellovision powers…maybe your sinuses are being out of whack. You want to get up and go do the things…but there seems to be anchors all across your path. It’s time to put that hoof down and say what you mean and mean what you say….I’ll go get the burritos.

GEMINI- This quite frankly has been the WORST 20 months you can ever imagine. Too bad that you are most responsible for these issues. Sorry not sorry. Either you walked away from perfection to “Find Yourself” – thus losing yourself in the process. . . good job there. OR You have tolerated stupid relationships that you thought would be everlasting only to find you were used…again…good job. There’s always hope. Get up. Dust yourself off and keep on stepping because because there are no other options. You got this. Don’t give up.

CANCERIANS- Did you know that EVERY Cancerian has their own wonderful Mac and Cheese recipe? True story: Went to a potluck and there were FIVE Mac and Cheese trays….all different and made all by Cancerians. You all know how to cook and you hate seeing others go hungry. Maybe its time to look into catering or craft services to fulfill you need to feed the world. Just Sayin.

LEO- Why do you tolerate such Bull Pucky? I just want to know. You need escapism to get away from the crazy in real life…most people go do insane things for escapism…instead you need to take a nap and vegetate because you already live in the crazy…you need the calm. Take a long shower…find a jacuzzi…get a massage…do a thing nice for yourself. Things are looking good for you this week … but drink water and take a friggin nap.

VIRGO- If you don’t do anything else this week? Take Medical Apps off your phone!!!! Stop being a hypochondriac and take a break from your neuroses. You are even making your dog neurotic. You are so jumpy that you are making your coffee nervous. In fact, why the heck are you drinking coffee or anything with caffeine? That’s just asking for trouble. Cut back slowly and look for other safer methods to stay up and motivated?

LIBRA- You know the old saying “I used to think they were out to get me? Now I know they are out to get me” (Tom Hanks in the movie: Volunteers) This is not the case. The ninjas are not out to get you and steal all your shoes. You are worried about things that will may never happen. Spies are not out recording everything you do…calm the hell down. “They” are not out to ‘Get You’…silly…That’s what Aliens are for. But seriously? Stop stressing so much. Love is strong with you so enjoy it. Just don’t blow out your checking account in the process .

SCORPIO- Hello Sherlock. You are so Games of Thrones this week…thinking three steps further in each direction. Plotting silently in the corner. You scare me. Seriously. What are you planning? Do we need a goat? Do we need an alibi? What is going on in your brain that seems to make to make the rest of the zodiac shudder??? You got plans this week..I’m worried.

SAGITTARIUS- I know I know….You want to go and you want to go NOW!!! You have never felt so landlocked in your life as you have these past two years. This is totally valid. You have been more edgier than ever going and seeing the world due to the lockdown world. . .but there is hope! Go to check out all the places you would like to travel to soon. Update your passport. Start saving up to go back into the world. Maybe a camping trip may be needed. Going on a fishing trip. Something. ANYTHING! Learn to work around the crazy.

CAPRICORN- If you would just stop head butting everything and listen to me I could help you out. You want to spend like a crazy person right now. That’s not your usual nature. Why are you on an online shopping binge? STOP. This is derailing you from all your future plans for success. Knock it off. This isn’t like you. You need to stick to that budge for really real right now. Usually you are the voice of reason. Was there a sale on some digital beepie thing??? Knock it off. Stop binge shopping.

AQUARIUS- Happy Happy Birthday time to you! Who ever thought that Aquarians would be the voice of reason??? Not me. That’s for sure. But it’s true. You have gotten to a point right now that everything is actually making sense to you. Things are forming into place for you. . . it’s about time.You have your whole path ready to go forward and do the things…now…if you could just not fall in love right now? That would be perfect.

PISCES- Relationships. You love them. You hate them. But you need one to prove something to yourself. Don’t ask me what, that’s a you thing. Truth is? What is it that you truly really want out of life? Are you settling for just what’s in front of you? Or are you really happy? It’s time to be honest with yourself. You kinda went off the rail a bit. Not a great thing. But at the end of the day, its you that has to deal with you. What do you want? Figure it out. This week is a make or break in your moment on the path.